Does The World Need My Services?

Since growing up, I personally feel that my life is being written in black ink, on a very black paper, because you can’t see anything, as that’s how my life feels. Sometimes I feel that life is grabbing me to throw me in the trash, which I’m bound to stream through the garbage, just to bust out of the can. The one thing I like about the internet, is that we all have our 1st amendment, in which I do in this very Tumblr page I made, as what I post here is very separate from my Facebook page. I consider myself a person who is open to helping people, which is perhaps the biggest gift I was ever granted by God Almighty, which I don’t mind using to the fullest, but in the past, I have helped out certain people or so-called-friends, whether if it was with jobs, moving, or anything else. Afterwards, the only repayment that I got from a majority of them…….is silence. Silence because afterwards, I feel as if I don’t mean anything to them or even if I’m trying to communicate with them later on, they never talk back to me ever, even if I call them or text them, just to find out how they are doing or even if they need more of my services. Some of these folks don’t even take a CERTAIN time in their life, and feel like saying, “Hmm, let me contact Denardo and find out what he’s up to, since he’s one of my peeps and I don’t want to feel like I’m leaving him behind.” Plus, they never helped me back, which I feel that it is one of the most incorrect moments you could ever do to anybody who you know. This is one of the contributions, on why I don’t trust a lot of people in this world, and it’s one of the biggest contributors to me being a loner most of my life, but I still need certain people in my life, especially the important ones, which I am personally glad that there are few folks in this world who really appreciates me helping them, and they have even helped me out too, even if it was only a couple of times, and those folks are my best friends. Few of the most important ones who I helped out, are females, but unfortunately, their significant others, due to their overprotective behaviors and they assume that I’m poisoning their relationships due to my communication level with them, they totally go left field and would rather not have me contact their girlfriends, who are best friends of mine. They went from either hacking their girlfriends Facebook pages and blocking me from them, to not wanting me to call them or text them, or even threatening me with violence, instead of realizing my true friendships with them and the help I provided in their relationship partners lives. The aformentions have hurt me a lot, even sometimes to this day. The significant others don’t not have to like me and I don’t have to be their friend (which I tried with at least 1 of them), but I wish they had the heart to thank me for my contributions in my help towards their girlfriends lives and realize that I am important to the lives of them, and if they had a bigger heart, they can say, “Hey, if he helped her out, then maybe I can contact him to help me out with something as well,” which I am open for.

Look, nobody’s perfect. I may not have a life that is leveled on the same path as my other friends, and I may be one of the most boring people on the planet as I am usually a man of few words, and for a guy like me who looks tough but very sensitive at times, but I’m glad that I remain one of the rarest people you could ever ask help for and I would appreciate that. I feel like my services are no longer needed for these people, but my services are always open, ‘till it’s time for me to die. This time, I guess I should leave it for the right people.

1 Week Left

So next week is back to school for me, and I will be only taking 2 classes this fall 2011 semester. Also, it turns out that Monday to Wednesday job, will not need me back anytime soon. So I’m back working 1 day a week, which is bullshit to be honest. I feel like I’m not being fed my just desserts. As i prepare for college algebra and music appreciation classes next week, this week, is to just focus on re-revving my gears.

A month since Orange left….

As of today, August 12th, 2011, this now makes it a month, since my cat Orange (formerly Orange-U-Glad), left the house and went missing or presumely dead. The reels from me that you see on top, are a few selected video clips i shot of Orange, from the 1st video clip I shot of him on July 9th, 2010, to the last uploaded video featuring Orange, which was shot sometime in March of this year. The picture you see is the last portrait taken of Orange and I to date, which is from July 5th, and on July 8th, I shot the last video clip of him to date, before he left the house 4 days later on July 12th. On July 12th, after getting my classes registered for the Fall semester and hanging out with my best friend Clayton, the main thing that was on my mind for the entire July 12th, was the arrival of my Vizio 32″ 3D-HDTV, which my mom had to stay home for it, so she could sign off for the package. When I arrived home, the cats were playing outside, and the last time I saw Orange was around 8:48 pm. By the time it gets dark, it’s when I try to bring all of the cats bank inside the house, despite that Orange can stay out longer. Because that I had to workout downstairs, I thought that I could trust mom in watching the cats, which she does, but she follows her own ways of letting them continue playing outside, even when it’s dark, which I don’t like. Tasha and Meowgi-II came back home, but Orange was gone for so long, I had no choice but to cancel my workout, to stay in the living room to wait for him to come back home. He never returned, even when it reached to 1:30am, as I had to seriously get some sleep to be ready for work in the morning.

Despite that Orange has never been neutered and he was stray when we got him (his mother Lady was stray as well), since early this year, he has been on a mode for mating, as he would sometimes spray around the house or around our bushes, trying to look for a mate. Due to the extreme lack of cats in my neighborhood and that Tasha rejects Orange (since she has been spayed, when we got her), I guess Orange decided to go on his long journey of finding a mate. Due to the hot weather and that it’s bound for an animal like him to survive out there, I believe that he has died out there; maybe from heatstroke. Him being lost for so long left me depressed, that I couldn’t workout for 2 weeks, just thinking about it, and the free Pet Finder website I used to provide his information is not helping at all. I thought about contacting Pet Amber Alert and paying the fee, but this neighborhood is not all that trustworthy, as black folks are not all that helpful to eachother, and there are mainly dog owners than cat owners. However, on August 1st, while I was on the bus heading to the Oakland City MARTA Train station, on the left side of me, at an abandoned apartment complex which is heavily caged up, I saw a very bright orange or yellow coated cat, sleeping on one of the stairways, and I thought to myself, that it must be him, but I couldn’t get out of the bus, since I didn’t want to be late for work. I did call my mom about it, and she drove around the complex to see if the cat was still there, but was gone by then, maybe to escape the sun.

This is all of my fault, as I never had the chance to get him neutered on time, and due to the fact that my job is still having me work 1 day a week and not having me work my full hours a week anytime soon, my finances haven’t been good at all, to even schedule an appointment to get him fixed. This is not the 1st time that Orange has been gone for so long. Sometime in January, he was gone for 8 hours, but when he arrived home, he was smelling like cat urine, and his leg was broken, as I feel he got bit by some animal out there, since his leg was pretty swelled up, but Orange healed himself by biting into the wound, and letting the blood and puss pour out.

Orange is the 1st cat that I have adopted since 1998, when my 2nd adopted cat Junior died on June 17th, 1998. I never wanted to adopt another cat after Orange died, but because that Lady later on showed up with her 1st litter of kittens (who all died from getting hit by speeding cars, leaving Orange the last survivor), I decided to adopt 1 of them, but as long as they become human friendly to me and my mom. Orange’s other related siblings who I have adopted; from the 2nd Litter, Meowgi the 1st (10/9/2010 – 1/2/2011) and Tigra (10/9/2010 – present, taken to Animal Shelter since June), and from the 3rd litter, Meowgi-II (3/22/2011 – Present). I don’t miss Orange as much as Meowgi the 1st, whose death  at 2 1/2 months old still hits heavy on me, especially for a non-human. My mom has thought about getting another Orange or Yellow cat that looks very similar to Orange, but I don’t know if I want another cat, as I really had plans on giving him up for adoption sometime next year, due to the financial situations of my mother and I.

Orange is a survivor, and I’m glad he’s got survival skills like his mother, but even if he is dead, I’m glad that he was a part of my life since June of last year, even if we didn’t have physical contact then. I will plan on uploading a tribute compilation video soon, which will also feautre the final video clip I shot of him on July 12th. God Bless Your Orange.

Fitnessophile (what is that?)

I came up with that term, which is a person who is very passionate with the world of fitness, bodybuilding, and dieting. I’m on my way to the gym right now, for my 3rd day of my 5-day VIP membership, and today will be a group fitness hour called “Ripped.” I’m not for group fitness, but it should motivate  me a bit.

2nd Gym Day

So today, I spent my 2nd day at the gym, and this time, I stayed longer than yesterday. I’ve gotten the chance to do alot of cardio and muscular workouts, which felt too damn good. I spent most of the time on the bicycle, treadmill, and stair mill, since I’m more familiar with those machine. I had a hard but passionate time with a few of the machines that works out the chest, abdomen, stomach, and legs. For the dumbbells, I only picked up the 40lb ones, which I guess I’m not THAT ready for those pounds this time around, but SOON! Most of the big, strong, muscular trainers or patrons are on the far right side of the gym, which is where most of the weights are, and by surprise, one of them is a female, who is perhaps the 1st muscle goddess I’ve ever see in person, besides just being Facebook friends with certain ones, being a fan of certain ones for years. I admit that when it comes to women, one of my fetishes was for muscular women or very fit women. You never know, ’cause when I get my dream body, I hope I will be one. lol

But enough of the sex fetish talk. When I look at those very muscular people, they motivate me to push even harder, to hopefully get into the same fit image as them. It also motivates me to go to the gym every day, despite that I will not be able to go to the gym tomorrow, due to a best friend’s birthday, and me & her are planning to hang out to celebrate both of our birthdays together (mine is belated, since it was on the 3rd). Also, I will not be able to show up on Friday, because of work, as that job is in Sandy Springs by GA 400. If it was close to Buckhead, then I would’ve have no problem catching a bus to get there, which is another problem. If I wasn’t taking public transportation, then I can show up to the gym as early as possible, and hopefully attend any of the group workouts, despite it’ll cost extra.

After my workout,although I did bring my washcloth and towel to take a shower, I felt embarrased to do it yesterday, since my body is still ugly to show off (manboobs, go the fuck away. You’ve been with me since childhood), but I took the chance today, as long as there were less men in the locker room. I felt so stupid when I took my keys in the shower, but that’s because, I had to lock back my bag with my change of regular clothe, toiletries, cell phone, and especially my Ipod Touch.

After the gym, it took a while for the bus to show up, and i started sweating again, especially after taking a damn shower over there. But I did go to Wendys, as soon as I arrived around my home. Now I know what you’re thinking on why I went there to eat, but I bought the Berry almond chicken salad and a small wild berry tea. 2 of my favorites. And that ends my 2nd day at the gym.

I love fitness, but I’m glad I’m now able to be more active in it.

How would you feel?

How would you feel, if I backstabbed you, as you backstabbed me?

How would you feel, if I took advantage of you, as you took advantage of me.

How would you feel, if I stole from you, as you stole from me?

How would you feel, if I hurt you, as you hurt me?

How would you feel, if I made you cry, as you made me cry?

How would you feel, if I lied to you, as you lied to me.

How would you feel, if I cheated you, as you cheated me?

How would you feel, if I wasn’t true to you, as you aren’t true to me?

Now ask yourself……How would you feel?